My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
