So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
