I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
