my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
