Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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