I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
