the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
