grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
