Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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