i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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