His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A bitchslap is in order.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize