I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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