Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
