break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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