Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize