i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he fucked my hip out of place.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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