i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
