i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
