They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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