i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
