remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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