I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
