It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize