we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
