call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
