Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
