I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
