i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize