I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
