Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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