New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
