she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize