what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
