I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have demons in me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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