I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
