I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
