If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
