Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
