I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize