I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
