I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
