I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
