ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
