i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
