Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
