just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize