The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
