I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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