hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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