that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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