Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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