She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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