If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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