This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
