Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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