I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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