i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
