Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
