I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize