Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
