I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
