Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
