Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My feet surprised me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
