here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
