I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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