then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize