Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
